5 Reasons Melissa McCarthy Should Win an Oscar for "Bridesmaids"

No offense to the other Best Supporting Actress nominees. Berenice Bejo has a cool name that I'm sort of jealous of. Ditto for Jessica Chastain. Octavia Spencer guest-starred on Ugly Betty once, so she gets extra-gooey brownie points for that. Janet McTeer played Mrs. Dashwood in an adaptation of Sense and Sensibility and I could write a whole article just on how awesome I think that book is and how hard I cry every time I watch the movie.

But here’s the deal: I really don’t have any clue who these women are, and I want Melissa McCarthy to win for Bridesmaids.

In fact, I want it for so many reasons that I’m going to itemize them.

I mean, come on. She was the second-best part of "Gilmore Girls" (after Lorelai’s clothes). Didn’t we all want her to be our mom’s best friend? She was an awesome cook, completely sweet, and adorable when tipsy (see the episode where Jackson’s deep-frying everything). Plus she always had the best hair.

And I don’t know about you, but I have some super-skinny, super-gorgeous, super-successful cousins of my own. And I would like to win an Oscar and bring it to my next family party so I have something to make me feel better when I realize their jeans are six sizes smaller than mine. Not that Melissa McCarthy isn’t beautiful, because she is. But Jenny McCarthy is just…God. Give Melissa an Oscar for pretending not to want to kill her all these years.

Every time I feel bad about myself, my fiancé does an impression of the “I do not associate with people that blame the world for their problems” scene from Bridesmaids ("I know where the nukes are, and I know the codes. DON'T REPEAT THAT. I can't protect you). It’s actually an excellent motivator. And Melissa knocked it out of the park. She made the character of Meghan hilarious and inspiring – it’s no easy feat.

I don't really think I need to even say anything about this one. Don't pretend to be lady-like. You know you almost had a hernia watching that.

I refuse to believe that there needs to be deeper criteria for that in order to win an Oscar. Watch the SAG Awards if you want cerebral reflections on the duty of a film to make society think. Whatever.

The Oscars need to own how pop-culture they are (how much money do they make in advertising? Point made) and start giving awards to movies that people got passionate about. The Dark Knight was cheated out of even being nominated for the Best Picture award in 2008. I’m not saying Slumdog Millionaire wasn’t an amazing film, but which movie are people still quoting today? Exactly. Let’s put a smile on that face, indeed.